Thursday, November 6, 2008

Ooooops!

I think I made my husband feel bad.

He, in my opinion, is a video game ADDICT. He plays it everyday for hours a day. More than half of his waking hours are spent playing video games (typically online - like World of Warcraft).

It seems like I am always trying to convince him to spend time with me and the baby (or just me - like date night), to no avail. No matter what I try, no matter what I say, no matter what I do. And yes, I have even tried the nonchalant way (acting like I don't care, it doesn't bother me, not complaining, not saying anything). Nothing works.

So today I went to his room and he's on the game and he was online playing with one of his (female) friends on there. I guess she was upset about something...he was explaining that for the past 10 nights or so they were leveling...yada yada yada. I just looked at him. I said, "Well, really if yall have been doing that the last few nights, maybe you just need a night off and spend it with your family" He looked at me like he was thinking 'here we go again'. I went on about how he owes me three date nights (from the past 3 weeks), etc and he turns it around "Why are you always bossing me around...." I explained that I was not bossing him, I just miss him and that when I got married, I expected us to spend time and do things together because that is how I was raised...that families spend time together, NOT that the husband is in one room playing games all day while the world goes on around him. Then I said, "Maybe our daughter will expect that because that's what she see's you do all the time...and maybe she'll look for a husband who spends all day playing video games, but not me." I could tell by the look on his face it hurt his feelings. And I added, "It's just that I miss you and I love you and want to spend time with you." He remained silent.

And now...he remains in his room...playing the game.

1 comment:

MomTFH said...

I know I am posting on an older post, but I just found your blog and felt compelled to post.

I am a mom and a medial student, so it's good to find others in a similar situation.

I just want to say, there is nothing wrong with expressing your needs or pain to your husband. You are married partners and coparents and you and your child's needs are important. More important than the World of Warcraft.

I have dealt with similar problems, and I would highly recommend marital therapy. If the people he communicates with online share his values, he will think what he is doing is normal. It's not. It's selfish, and he is neglecting his duties as a husband and father. He may need an outsider to put it in perspective for him.

If anything, please find support for yourself. I have been so thankful for support I have from other mothers. There are message boards and online communities if you don't have time to join a support group or seek individual therapy.

Good luck.